4/27/11

This has been a hard week for me....it's only Wednesday!

We all have these weeks. The weeks when if you get one more bit of bad news you are litterly going to go over the proverbial edge!!

Friday I found out my mother may have Congestive Heart Failure (which since then has had blood tests and chest x-rays that have been good, praise God! Still, a HUGE deal for me to wait for the tests. Saturday evening my nephew and his girlfriend were in a head-on collision (both are home and stable), Monday my 14 year old niece decides to "come-out" in picture form for the entire family to see on Facebook, then try to run away only to be brought home by the police. Complete with a wake-up call from the police to my sister and her husband. Tuesday my 2 boys went back to boarding school which absolutely destroys me every time it occurs and never gets easier with time. Today, well today is Wednesday. A day of self-reflection and discovery.

Since Friday I have binged on food and ice cream like you would not believe, started smoking again, stopped exercising, and blew off work yesterday afternoon coming in an hour late today.

Driving to work this morning it hit me. I am in total self-destructive mode. I've been able to look back in the past and see that I do this after the fact, but I can not recall a time in my life like today when I realized it "during".

As I reflect on my life today, I can only pray that God would give me the wisdom next time to see the truth "before" I'm about to enter self-destruction mode. I also praise God for my mothers tests coming back negative, by nephew and his girlfriend not being critically injured, and my niece being brought home safe and alive. As far as my boys, I praise God for the opportunity He has given them and me to grow in this season in our lives.

I can't be the only one who does this so I am wondering, How do you recognize you are "self-destructing"?
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2 comments :

  1. I am usually able to see when it's coming. Thanks to tons of stress in the past, every time it happens I get an eye twitch. This is my signal. I know that I'll be graving junk food and cigarettes. Normally the smell of cigarette smells awful to me, but when the times are tough it smells like the greatest thing on earth. Once I realize I'm under too much stress I try to turn the unhealthy snacks into healthy once. I stock up on ice cream made of coconut milk, carob cubes, and other goodies that taste great but aren't as unhealthy as the usual stuff. As for smoking, I promised my husband a little over a year ago that I wouldn't smoke again, I do my best to keep my promises to him, so every time I crave a cigarette I just remind myself how lucky I am to be with him and that I should value it.

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  2. Thank you so much for your encouraging comments :) Have a great day.~Heather (Mom)

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