I am screaming inside. A walking nightmare of reality poised to become my own undoing.

The past two months have been a very trying time for me.

We moved from a four bedroom, three story home to a one floor two bedroom home. Although an absolute blessing, it has been extremely stressful!

My 74 yr. old boss, who has been like a father to me, and my best friend for the past 11 years, had multiple strokes.

My estranged father had two heart attacks and his home burnt down.

Last week, I got to see my 90 year old grandmother for the first time in 17 years because my family would not tell me where she was. She is now very frail, in a nursing home, and blind.

Reality or the latest Hollywood screenplay? No, this is reality. My reality. My life.
I could write a book.

On top of all this, the holidays, I didn't have money to buy my three children and husband not one gift. I am losing hours at work because of depression. I am a walking zombie because I can not sleep.  My weight has increased 20 pounds in 2 1/2 months.

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In the past 3 months, we have had to move, my best friend died, someone rear-ended me, took off and totaled my car, and that’s just the beginning. I feel like I am just going through the motions. I feel like I am in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from.

Pain, grief, fear, anger, resentment.


I don't know where it starts and where it ends. I can not concentrate or remember anything. I am in fear of losing my job. Where do I go from here?

This song keeps coming to mind....

 "Consuming Fire"

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.


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